You know that look. The look someone gets when they’re uncomfortable with your loss. That look that says your pain is too much for them to handle. You’ve seen people with that fear, that sorrow, the panic in their eyes just before they look away. You instinctually look away as well and may even catch yourself murmuring an, “I’m sorry.” Don’t.
You have every right to feel whatever you are feeling about your loved one’s death. How can someone else possibly know what it’s like to be you right now? No one can tell you what you should and should not be feeling. No two people, even if grieving the same person, can have the exact same experience with their healing process.
Due to the unpredictable nature of the grief journey, one cannot always tell when something will trigger intense emotions. Some things, such as driving by the hospital, might be obvious triggers you can prepare for while others, such as randomly hearing a certain song in Target, can catch you off guard.
There is no need to ever apologize to anyone for your grief feelings and expressions, whether predictable or not. In order to heal and be healthy, it is imperative you acknowledge and express all the undeniably painful, wretched thoughts and unimaginatively painful feelings you have along this winding, twisted, jagged, rocky, steep and slippery road of grief. Just keep going.