LEAVING YOUR LOVED ONE IN 2015: When Time Marches On

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The start of a new year reminds us all that time is passing. Sometimes it seems to go so quickly and other times life can be painstakingly slow. Taking some time to consider how moving into the next year affects your grief could help your healing process. You might have many realizations about your loss hit you at various times over the next few days to weeks. This is a new year, a year that will not include your deceased loved one. You’ll hear yourself say phrases like, “She died last year,” or, “He died in 2015,” and you’ll be struck by how far away you feel from the days they lived and the day they died.  In a sense, your loved one may feel more distant, unreachable. Consider this:

  • Allow yourself to acknowledge the start of the new year as part of your grief. Think about what the new year means for you and your loss. Let yourself have whatever thoughts come and feel whatever feelings stir.
  • You may wrestle with mixed emotions about the end of 2015. Perhaps you feel relieved to be ending 2015 but at the same time feel disloyal, as though you’re leaving your deceased loved one behind or being forced to let go of them too soon.
  • The end of 2015 might feel like yet another loss and could exacerbate your grief symptoms for a short time. Take extra good care of yourself now and at all times while grieving.
  • Maybe you’re ready to leave 2015 in the dust. Perhaps you’ve been eager to start a new year, a fresh beginning with the hopes of feeling better with the turn of the calendar.

We have to remember one thing. There’s nothing easy about going through grief and there is no magic way to healing. The only way, the only healthy way, to get to and through the New Year is to think about it. And feel about it. Today. Because tomorrow you will do it again, for tomorrow. And time will pass that way for a while, sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly, eventually easing your pain and anguish of losing your loved one. Thanks to time, you’ll been able to learn how to still love them in the next year while they remain in your past. Peaceful New Year.

 

 

 

29 thoughts on “LEAVING YOUR LOVED ONE IN 2015: When Time Marches On”

  1. Been trying to put a finger on my sadness today other than the obvious feeling of missing someone. Reading this … This hit it right on. Feeling of moving on and leaving him behind in 2015. Feeling more loss. Makes no sense really in my mind but in my heart… definitely

    1. I am so lost, as I lost my 2nd husband to Cancer, just like I did my first husband in 2001. I cared for them at home, and now I am living on memories, and the reunion in heaven. I was so blessed with these Christian men. Beautiful writing describing my feelings also.

    1. I felt this way for years she my mom passed in 2005 close to Christmas. Losing my son in June 2014 was devastating & any new season of the year triggers his loss over & over. Time is so different now. Try to imagine your son smiling & encouraging u to know he is with God & the angels experiencing total bliss in heaven.

  2. This was posted on The Compassionate Friends Page,and I read it,and I wrote a rather long response on the page,about how and why,this article really doesn’t apply to me,in most every-way,it isn’t how I feel,but for those that were able to find some sense of insight by it,or if it helped anyone,I am grateful for that,for you,….To have lost your child is something NO MOM should ever have to know what it feels like,E-V-E-R!!!!MoM’s GO first !!!! I NEVER in my worst terror nightmare thought for a petrifying second,I would lose either one of my Children,my Beloved Kids,I lost my Daughter,my SO LOVED Young Lady,22……on 8-3-15,my Danielle,to an accident,a preventable accident :'( …and I am destroyed,all this year is for me is a different number on the Calendar,the rest stays the same,for me,I really don’t contemplate it,or complicate it,or give much thought to a different year at all….I still will forever grieve her,it’s not going to “ease” or “get better” for me,I already know this,I must say these past almost 5 months have become,in many ways,even more impossible feeling for me,the longing for her is increasing,not “easing” as time keeps ticking by without her…It’s my feelings,as we know,everyone grieves differently,different reasons even sometimes,and no such thing as a time to just up and stop,not for me,no,not ever,I lost my purpose in life,besides my Son,who is 27 and lives 560 miles away,I love him equally to his Sister,Danielle….he is doing fair,he misses his Sister,he grieves differently than me,and it’s O.K…..he has a very busy life,for Danielle and I we have had not only the love that goes along with a MoM and Daughter,but I NEED her,too,as she NEED(ed) :'( … me,we helped each other in SO many ways,and I feel blinded by the grief now,LOST and so lonesome for her,her presence enough to make me SO JOYOUS,so filled with contentment and happiness,now it’s only longing for her,and getting worse as time goes by…..

    1. I relate to what your saying. I lost my husband October 8,2015 and I feel worse now then in the beginning it’s like the farther I get the worse I feel. He was my everything and now I know I have my kids but without him my life lost something and instead of getting better I feel like I’m back sliding into an abyss. He brought the laughter into our home and now it’s so quiet I feel like I’m going crazy. My heart longs for him I expect to see him walk through the door and I long to hear his voice. Just know your not alone with your feelings others feel the same.

      1. I have years of wonderful memories to comfort me, but I really miss the sound of my husbands voice. The way he would say my name or the wasy he laughed. We have many pictures but I wish we had more videos’ with his voice…..

    2. Mary, I am so sorry for the death of your precious daughter. I can easily relate to your pain. I felt the same way many years ago, when my beautiful daughter was killed in a senseless preventable accident. Your grief is still so very fresh. Six months is a very short time in shocking grief such as you are experiencing. You are just beginning to thaw from the shock of the death, which happened instantly and without any warning. Now the reality is beginning to set in and you feel it is getting worse. You are correct, you are feeling the pain more now, than you did at first. I encourage you to feel that pain and find ways to express it safely, screaming, crying, writing, singing whatever you need to do. Get some exercise and And also get support for yourself, especially someone to listen. As you continue to express the awful pain, eventually, things will get a bit better. I assure you it won’t always hurt so badly. I know you don’t believe it. Neither did I. I am living proof that it can and does happen. Admittedly it did take a long time for me. Now I offer support to other grieving parents–who would have thought it. You can too one day. Be blessed. Cora

    3. I’m so sorry. I understand your grief. I lost my only child, Stephanie, in February of 2010. She was 37 years old. She was very sick, both physically and mentally, and she took her life. I feel like my life lies in ruin. I am functioning, but I hope so, so sad. I miss her so much. She was the most important part of my life. I turn 70 years old this month, and next month marks 6 years since she’s been gone. I hope that someday she would be well and would have children of her own. I imagined her bringing them to visit. If it were not for my cats, some of which were her cat originally, I don’t know how I would have kept living after she was gone. She and the cats were my family. No I am a woman with a family of cats. They are getting old. I don’t know how I am going to face their deaths.

      1. Sad to hear of your loss and sorrow. Please try to not think about what will happen to your cats in the future. By doing so, you miss out on the love and comfort they provide u in this very moment. You will cope with the future…when u get there. Be HERE now. In the present, surrounded by your compassionate furry family. 💗

    4. I lost my daughter in late 2015. She was 28, recently married to her best friend of 10 years, and embarking on a new venture that she loved. She was beautiful, kind, brilliant, creative, talented, brave, compassionate and amazing. My daughters lost their sister, her dad lost his daughter, and her new husband lost his beloved bride, friend and partner. I don’t want to “move on” if it means leaving her behind. How can a mother leave her child behind? It’s unfathomable. Memories will always be there, but I want her to be here, and selfish as it may sound, I need her to be here. Some days I feel as if I’m losing my mind. Is she really gone? How can that have happened to MY child? Is this a nightmare? No, I don’t want to go into 2016, nor do I want to stay in 2015. But move on? No. I feel like that would be abandonment. I need to stay here for a while, even though I have no idea where “here” is. It’s too soon to think of her as being in my past. She’s my child, I can’t put her in the past.

  3. Lost my beautiful brave daughter waiting on lung transplant on sept 16 she was so loved and I ache every day for her our lives are so unbearable with out that smile that cackling laugh . Love you always mom 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

  4. It’s only been 3 months since my son died, and in one sense I am glad to see the end of 2015; as well as losing my son I lost my job, had a bad car wreck, lost my ex brother-in-law and in general this past year was terrible beyond measure. But losing my son was a nightmare unlike any I’ve ever experienced, and I still feel trapped inside this suffocating bubble that I can’t pop and can’t escape, as if I’m going to be stuck inside it forever. Right now my youngest daughter is here for the holidays (my other, autistic daughter lives with me still), and having her here has helped with the loneliness of not having her brother with us. But once she leaves in 2 more days I know I am going to really be struggling and floundering. No matter what I do, everything is muted, dull, seems almost meaningless; I feel like an automaton just going through motions right now. People tell me they hope things will be better for me in 2016 and I will start to move past this grief stage and be fine, but it’s like they’re speaking a foreign language to me; how can 2016 be good when my son is dead? Even if I try my best to be positive and happier and focus on moving forward in the new year, that empty place where my son should still be will be there in 2016 and made even more marked as his birthday arrives, other holidays come and go, as each calendar day gets ticked off with the repetitive refrain of ‘another day without Daniel’ resonating inside my head. I still have to take care of my adult child with all her disabilities and illnesses, and it’s not going to get any easier in 2016, especially without my son here to help or at least lend emotional support as he always did.

    1. Do not listen to others who especially have never lost a child. It is a unique loss and one not easy to journey through. Your life is forever changed. Time does not make it go away. You go through stages and learn how to deal with this immense loss and eventually it assimilated into you. As aa mom who lost a son 13 yrs ago, I believe I can say I understand. I sought therapy help and that helped me. But everyone is different. What works for me may not for you. There is no one right way of handling this. It helped me to keep busy and stick to a schedule. My job saved me. Be kind to yourself. You have experienced the worst!

  5. My 30 year old son was murdered in Jamaica on November 3,2015 I am am still in shock I feel like someone ripped my heart out.

  6. It is a long, winding road, “Beatles”, concerning grief. 10 years after the death of my husband, kids far away, poor health caused by medication, everyday is a “put on a smile, get through the details of the day, and continue on the long road”. It’s best to appreciate those with intact families, and can actually make you feel better. Don’t feel bitter. My problem is the chronic pain. Just can’t work through it, and I can’t lie, the absence grows, even though more shadowy. Giving up homes that are no longer necessary and having empty holidays, with family members scattered, simply have to be dealt with straight on. Death us made worse, by the passing of time as the remaining family moves on, as they have EVERY right to do. Grief, loneliness are different beasts for all circumstances. Blessed, peace-finding years ahead for all.

  7. I too start 2016 on a terribly sad depressed note. We lost our only son to an accidental drug overdose on Oct. 13, 2015. It’s been such a roller coaster of emotions. Day after day after day. Nothing changes I still miss him and want him back here with us the same as I did the day he died. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that he’s gone and will never be here again. His smile could light up a room and he was a real charmer with an infectious laugh.
    He left behind 3 young boys and their mom and a twin sister and 2 older sister. Most days I just go through the motions. I still cry a lot some days more than others. I’m in counciling and it’s helping some but I know I have a long, long way to go through this grief journey. I know I am forever changed and I will never ever be the same again….. I think about my son constantly. To make matters worse I also lost my mom on June 2, 2015. My mom was sick and 93 yrs old. My son was only 32 and he was really finally starting to get his life together. I just don’t understand it and I guess I never will……I don’t know how to move on or if I ever will. Be able to.

  8. I am so sorry for everyone pain and sorrow. Thank you Compassionate Friends for this post..I lost my beautiful daughter in April..And things I have been feeling, I feel like I’m loosing my mind..And although some comments in this post hits it on the mark, it helps to know that Compassionate Friends are here to help us all and to help me to not loose my mind…Thank you..My heart goes out to ALL if you here..God Bless

  9. I am so sorry for everyones pain and sorrow. Thank you Compassionate Friends for this post..I lost my beautiful daughter in April..And things I have been feeling, I feel like I’m loosing my mind..And although some comments in this post hits it on the mark, it helps to know that Compassionate Friends are here to help us all and to help me to not loose my mind…Thank you..My heart goes out to ALL if you here..God Bless

  10. My son after a week of turning 16 was shot and killed. That day a part of me died along side him and 5 months later I am in a tunnel that I don’t see my surroundings and even on the most brightest days there is gloom and dullness. I wake thinking of him and throughout the day am filled with sorrow and despair. I really lay my broken heart to God and know that my son is alive and well in heaven. I pray for peace each and every day. It has been 5 months since he died and to this day when I say he died it feels so unreal that He is gone and that he is dead. Everyday I battle tears and replay him in my mind. Everyday seems to have it’s own personality of pain. I have other children his younger brothers and older sister and they look to me for strength and I out on a brave face and a cost of strength but inside my heart I am dying. My son didnt deserve to be killed and left like a bag of garbage and to be treated like that. I can only continue to out my heart and cares into the hands of God that he brings true healing. My family is changes forever and I know that I will never be the same as I was. Inam so glad that there are others that I can talk to and express my self because of someone has it experienced death of a child or love one they simply cannot understand the pain and sorrow.

  11. This somewhat sums it up. I lost my husband April 8th 2015. Going into 2016 without him is unreal. I long for him every day every night just to hear see feel smell and just to know he is ok and with me. But I know that the phone will never ring and he will not be walking through the door. I know that I will not make it much longer without him. The hurt and pain of missing him is to bad and my heart hurts..literally hurts.

  12. I lost My Karie Kay on Sept 10th, 2015 to stage 4 breast cancer. she was 32 years old. She left behind a daughter 7 years, and a son 3 years. She was always a shining star in our lives and many others. I feel I am no longer whole, a piece of me is missing. I’m so broken. I have no control over my tears. Tears will run down my checks and I won’t even be crying. If that makes any sense. We were always soooo close. We lived 1 hour away from each other but talked at least twice a day. I was with her as she passed away. I held her, I sang to her, and hopefully soothed her as she made her journey to her new home up above. I feel that day Sept 10, 2015 was the worst but, the best day of my life. I was blessed to be the one by her side. I was the first to hold her after I delivered her and I was the one who was there to hold her in the end. I think back on that day and feel myself stop breathing. I wish It would of been me. not my baby girl. I wish I could of gone with her in the worst way. I miss her so so much. I’m very thankful for my two beautiful grandchildren that she blessed me with. I promised her I would help her husband raise them. And that is my mission. I will do everything I can for my grandchildren. As their mommy would of wanted it. To ALL of us grieving parents, its not fair, parents go before their children, its stupid. And its the worst pain to ever feel. I thank you for sharing your grief with me. I feel as I’m not alone.

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