WHY ASK WHY? Understanding Your Loved One’s Death

Why ask the why question? Why did this happen to me? Why did this have to happen to us? You may ask yourself that question over and over. You may ask, why my child?  Why my family? Why now? You may wonder what you did to deserve this or if this is some kind of punishment from God or some kind of bad karma coming back for you?  You’re confused, angry, guilt-ridden and envious of all the people who have no idea what you’re going through.  Why me, you cry? And why do I have to endure this?

Ask yourself this question: is there an answer to my why that I would accept? Would you hear the answer and say OK, now I understand and it’s acceptable and that’s OK? What possible answer to your why is there that you would accept? If there was an answer or reason that explained why, how would things be different? What would change? Is there an acceptable reason why?

Likely not. And though you may ask the question why over and over, repeatedly for years maybe, perhaps you should consider not asking the question after a while.  Since there is no good reason why, we may be only adding to our own anguish and despair by focusing on an aspect of our loss that we may be better off trying to let go.

Use your limited attention and energy for other questions to ask yourself such as How? How will I get through this?  Where? Where will I get the support I need?  What? What do I need to do to help myself right now? Those questions have answers.