4 Truths About Surviving Your Child’s Death

The most horrific thing that could ever happen has happened to you. Your child has died. No doubt, the birth and death of your child has and will change your life forever.  Things will never be the same again.  Living a life after your child has died is next to impossible but you can survive and you will endure. You are right now.

  1. Healing from this loss will be a long and slow journey that will have no defined ending or set destination.  It will always hurt and it will hurt very much for a very long time. The pain of the grief you have over the loss of your child is an expression of your love, a love that will always be part of your every day experiences. As you go through the days, months and years without your child, you will learn how to include your loss into your life in a meaningful way.
  2. Unpleasant and unwanted feelings such as anger, guilt and fear may be part of your experience. You might find yourself angry at God, doctors, the other parent or just at the world in general. Feelings of guilt and anger towards yourself may surface repeatedly as you try to make sense of your loss. You may be fearful to trust the world again as you ask constantly, “Why?” None of these emotions are bad or wrong. Not acknowledging if these feelings are part of your experience is actually what’s “bad” or “wrong” for you. Allow yourself to feel your feelings, all of them.
  3. No one understands how you feel.  Only other parents who have lost a child can truly understand what you’re going through.  Find them.   They will be looking for you, too.  Lean on each other, cry with each other, cry for each other.  Being with others who know how you feel can help you carry the weight of this grief.
  4. Your grief will still be unique to you and you will become familiar with your particular grief reactions and expressions as the years pass. Though the sorrow of losing your child will always be there to some degree or another, the fear associated with going through a grieving process will lessen. You will start to recognize your grief and learn how to cope with the different yet predictable triggers and emotions along the way.

Healing from your child’s death is not going to be easy. Why would it be? You will be a different person because of this loss. How could you not be? Adjusting to one of life’s most traumatic events will take time, patience and support. Give yourself these things and take it day by day, hour by hour and if necessary, minute by minute. You are surviving it right now.

29 thoughts on “4 Truths About Surviving Your Child’s Death”

  1. I just lost my second child and I lost my husband many years ago, I don’t understand, the pain is unbearable at times. All I can do is pray and cry

    1. That is very sad and so completely beyond unfortunate. No one person should have to bear the weight of these significant losses all at once. So sorry you have to endure this experience. Praying and crying are healthy coping though so don’t stop relying on those tools to express yourself and gain strength.

      1. Well, my mum & brother died in a house fire right after 9/11. The year before, my somewhat estranged Dad blew his brains out while talking to his psychiatrist. I feel you, but you gotta move on!

    2. I think that is the only thing you really can do for yourself is pray. God has given me grace and peace to be able to move forward in my life. Lean on him in this difficult time. Talk to others who have lost a child. I joined a support group on facebook because I did not want to leave the house. I am not saying that I did not go thru all the emotions because I did, But God kept him mighty hands on me and kept me out of the crazy.

      1. I lost my daughter on Memorial Day this day and I feel like I lost what was left of my heart after loosing my husband
        . But this is so much harder, my daughter has lived with me on and off for the past ten years. I just can’t see it getting any easier
        . I would love to get on touch with the support group on facebook if someone can point me in the right direction. I miss mu baby girl so much.

      2. So true…I loss my daughter, Patty. It will be six years March 17th. I gave my anger and pain to God and He walks with me in this unthinkable journey. God bless.

        1. Marsha, I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter.
          I lost my 21 year old son on the same day 3/17/10.
          God has also helped me deal with this unbearable grief. As this sixth anniversary on St Patrick’s Day approaches this year I will be praying for you and I ask you to pray for me and my family.
          God bless you and your family.
          Jeanne

        2. Yes, I lost my daughter Sophia five years ago, and cannot imagine going through the journey without my relationship with Christ!
          She was a Christian, and that is the hope and the comfort that I have, making it bearable, for the years that I live here on this earth without her, and all the things that I looked forward to sharing with her, in her life.

    3. Dear Cindy I don’t know you but I too have lost 2 sons my middle was 20 and 6 months later my youngest at 19. To say the least I had a break down I was in a dark place for a couple years. Their dad died in1999 and since I have lost my dad my mom and a brother in law. The only reason I had to live was for my oldest son who lives in Nashvilleand God I pray for strength it’s been 6 yrs and it doesn’t get better only easier my heart and prayers go out to anyone who has to bury their child but I do find comfort in knowing they are so much in a better place.

      1. Wow, reading your comment has made me realize that I am not the only one. Right now, I feel alone and always asking why me? Why am I the only one going through this. Your post reassured me that I am not alone. I recently lost my 9 year old son, and I could not imagine that pain that you have gone through losing two. My heart aches for you!

    4. Im so sorry for your losses. I hope you can find some sort of happiness to fill the emptiness. Take care of yourself during this long journey.

    5. I lost my oldest son in 2007. It has crushed my heart. It was sudden & unexpected. Years before 1986, I’d lost the love of my life. We were so very happy. We had two sons who @ that time were four-Wesley & two-Jon. My heart was so heavy for so many years. I was 28. I didn’t or couldn’t even date anyone for five yrs. I didn’t want just anyone in my children’s life’s. I remarried in 1994. I thought sense this man had lost his wife too he’d be & was a good influence on my children. We had a little girl. My previous Nakota Grace in 1996. My marriage was a nightmare but I was a Christian & believed it could be saved. I finally could take no more & left. We stayed & he dragged out proceedings for five yrs. it was terrible. I should have sought God more. I did get the best part. My daughter, who graduated Valedictorian of her class, full scholarship to a Christian school. Loves God & I love her & my sons! Even though one son isn’t here & my first love is in heaven I will see them again. That’s my HOPE. That’s the only reason I can GO ON. As David once said when he lost his son….he cannot come to me but, I can Go to Him! That’s exactly what I intend to do. Hold that Hope in ur Heart. It’s not over yet! There’s much to do.

  2. My youngest son, John (38 yrs.) passed away in March 2015. I feel like God let me down. I prayed earnestly believing that He would heal my son and He didn’t. My faith has been tested and I have failed. I can’t even pray anymore. I think, what’s the use? I have even questioned God’s existence. Since I gave my life to Christ when I was 14, I’ve felt His presence but I don’t now. Can I regain my faith and trust in God? Can He forgive me for these terrible thoughts?

    1. The way you’re feeling is normal. And God understands. I lost a baby when she was 3 months old. I prayed as well for Gid to heal her and when that didn’t happen I asked why. The peace that I have come to is that God needed her back. And he provided me with more strength and comfort through family and friends than I could ever have imagined. 17 years later I still cry but I know she is a beautiful angel and what’s more she helped save lives as we donated her organs. We don’t always understand it but God always has a plan. I pray that he gives you peace and understanding and that you come back to him. You are His child and he has never left your side. Even in the darkest of times.

      1. My daughter and son in law lost their baby son at only 10 weeks. He died of sids, as his grandmother my grief was inconsolable. This happened on Oct of 2014. I pray everyday but the pain is always there. I hope someday to be with him.

    2. I feel the exact same way as you do I lost my only 21yo son that I was and am very close too. He died on my 40th Birthday and I’m still going through the anger of why my son and I don’t pray anymore right now either. I always believed before Brenan was taking from me that things happened for a reason well I can’t figure out what possible “why” that could possibly be so yes I’m very angry and my faith went flying through the door. The one question that we all want is the “why” question and the one that we will never get the answer too unfortunately. It has just been two years this past Dec since Brenan was taken from me and it has not been the slightest bit easier why should it that was my 21yo son thst I was extremely close too and nothing will replace that or even compare too At this point. I guess I would rather feel the pain than nothing at all so I know he and all the pain from his loss is still real. I hope things will at least ease some and for you also.

    3. Nina,through your words you have written ,the Lord Jesus has seen your heart and disire.He is always with us.
      I lossed my son 11years ago,and the pain is still there so deeply,but have the Lord to thank for getting me this far.Nina I will say a prayer for you,sometimes the Lords ways are not what yearn for,but His ways are what’s best for all,it was time for our sons to leave this world for such a better one.
      Best wishes Nina.
      Jean.💖

  3. I lost one of a set of 2. My twins were born together, but only one came home. It was extremely difficult to find the strength to cope with the death of my son while dealing with the needs of my daughter.

  4. I LOSS MY YOUNGEST SON TO CANCER ON FEBRUARY.15, 2015. ERIC JR. WAS 25 YEARS OLD.. HE GRADUATED COLLEGE JUNE. 6′ 2015 and FOUR MONTHS LATER DIAGNOSED WITH TERMINAL CANCER..THIS ROCKED MY WORLD… I ALMOST LOSS MY MIND…MY SON KNEW HE HAD CANCER BUT DID NOT KNOW HE HAD TERMINAL CANCER.I WOULD NOT LET THE DOCTORS TELL HIM..THEY GAVE MY SON FOR MONTHS FROM OCTOBER.5,2015 TO LIVE. IN THOSE 4 MONTHS HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL 4 TIMES…I NEVER LET HIM BE IN THE HOSPITAL ALONE..I WAS ALWAYS THERE. I FEEL SO HELPLESS. I HAD MY FIRST THANKSGIVING, CHRISTMAS AND HIS 26the BIRTHDAY WITHOUT HIM…I AM LEARNING HOW TO COPE WITH MY LOSS OF MY baby boy DAY BY DAY… I LOVE AND MISS HIM DOWN IN MY SOUL…I CRY AND I PRAY A LOT ..I DON’T WISH THIS FOR ANY PARENT….STANDING ON THE PROMISES OF JESUS…YOU ARE ALL IN MY PRAYERS….😪😪😪💔💔💔👍👍👍🙏🙏🙏😇😇😇

  5. Hi my name is Rose,
    Recently in September 2015, I have lost my Beautiful 16 year old daughter due to a car accident. My daughter Felecia Rose would have been 17 in November of 2015. This pain is unbearable and what’s worse is my little brother was also in the car he was the driver, and even though he survived the car accident he is in awful shape! I’m trying my hardest to take care of him because I know he would never ever do anything to hurt anyone of my children or anyone else’s!!! My brother is like my son and I’m dealing with the pain of losing my daughter, the pain of watching my brother suffer with his injuries and losing him because even though he is alive I know he will never be the same ! I don’t know if I’m really going to find peace in my life, felecia was not just my daughter, she was my best friend and she took care of me and her sibling because of my medical conditions. I’ve lost two mothers, one mother my biological mother when I was 12, my grandmother who raised me and was my mother 6 years ago, my aunt whom was like my sister 6 years ago and my older brother ten years ago. My daughter consumed most of my day, always worry about her, getting her up for school, driving her to school, picking her up, bringing her to her games or practices, going through ups and downs, worrying about her because she was depressed, me not sleeping well because she was alway struggling to breath from her asthma or stomach pains, plus of coarse dealing with the typical teenage issues, my baby girl gave me a run for my money! Now I feel alone even though I know I’m not, I have 3 other children along with family and friends but it’s not the same, my heart is shattered and I have lost my self! I truly feel like it hasn’t even fully hit me she’s gone! Sometimes I feel like I pretend she’s away and I am waiting for her to walk in the door and say ” momma I’m HOME & apologies for being gone so long! I don’t know how anyone recovers from this. I don’t even believe recover is the right word because there is no solution to this to make it better! I just want my baby girl back! I struggled to save my daughter from serious personal issues and I lost her anyways!!! I feel like I failed at the one job I’ve been given and that is to raise my children and protect them! I’m sorry if I just ranted and vented and made my story to long!!! I just don’t get it !!!

    1. Rose,
      I’m so sorry for your many losses…my heart breaks for you, you continue on, even with all you’ve had to deal with…..loss of your child is the hardest to process of all……I too lost my daughter. Her name is Aimee Rose….your name is partly why I stopped to read what you shared…….Thank you for sharing your story and I hope to communicate with you again Rose, your name is beautiful and my daughter LOVED her middle name…..Aimee died just shy of her 31st birthday, I miss her so much it hurts, everyday.
      Thank you for taking the time to read my reply
      Katy

  6. We lost our beautiful daughter, Aimee, March 16, 2015.
    Her story is long and hard to share right now. Our story is packed with so many emotions it makes my head spin………I’m so saddened to find the never ending addition of parents who’ve lost a child or children to the online group I joined. It’s very hard to find a group to physically meet, who have lost a child. The groups I did find are mixed, grieving widows, grieving children and a grieving parents…..for a grieving parent there is NO closure…..to all those parents who have lost a child….I feel you, I cry with you and I understand you…..I pray for us all some peace and comfort at some point on our very long journey…..I need you, all of you….Thanks for listening
    Katy

  7. I have just recently lost my 9 year old son so soon & unexpected. I’ve lost both of my parents when I was a pre teen and just lost my older sister a year before I lost my son. During this time, Ive never felt so alone. I understand how it feels to lose a child and I am here to support and to find support with other parents. I would also like advice of other parents and how they helped their other children through this. My daughter is six years old and she’s havimg a hard time as well.

  8. Our special needs daughter Tricia Rose, was 31 when she went to be with Jesus. January 31, 2015 rocked our world, she was our youngest and only daughter. I still, at the drop of a hat just start crying, a memory, a picture, a favorite toy or outfit, a sound coming from her room, I just break down and cry from deep in my soul. Then it feels like Jesus is holding me and comforting me and then I praise Him for taking her in the night and out of this ugly world we live in. I always wanted her to go before me, so I wouldn’t worry about her, but this has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever been through. I thank God daily for our time with Tricia and that He has made a home for her in heaven and I to will go one day and see her in her glorious body. Praise and glory to our Lord and Savior!

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